I was asked on Tuesday, “What do you hope for most: today, tomorrow, or long-term?” I sat and pondered this question for quite awhile as I shared in yesterday’s post. But even after responded, the question remained in my thoughts. As I sat in the doctor’s office yesterday afternoon, my mind was flooded with thoughts.
It has been quite an emotional week for me. Tuesday I spent 10 minutes in the bathroom at work crying after hearing about a coworker being devastated at the thought of being pregnant. I cried over my frustration with fibromyalgia that it hurt to style my hair because my joints were throbbing so bad. I hated myself for laying down to take a nap Monday evening but not waking up until the next morning and missing out on spending the evening with John, Abby, and my mom. This week was just one of those week’s where I could give chronic illness the middle finger and move on. But of course, I am a lady and would never do such a thing (ha!).
So as I sat in the room at the doctor’s office, I asked myself, “Where does my hope rest really?” Does it rest on whether or not my doctor finds something on the ultrasound I am getting ready to have? Does it rest on the forecast for lower humidity for the weekend? Does it rest on Abby finally cutting that last molar and sleeping through the night?
Of course my answer should be “My hope rests in Christ.” It’s easy to say that. Every Sunday morning we say some variation of the same statement and work really hard to make sure others believe us. We may even do a pretty good job of convincing ourselves of that too.
Don’t get me wrong, my love and passion for Christ go to the deepest depths of my heart and soul and my faith is solid. My everything rests in God and His unending grace and mercy. But I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t a daily struggle to keep my focus and hope in the correct place. So each day I have a choice. I can pick up my cross and follow Him which often requires trusting in the things unseen. That is the definition of hope. Each day I can choose to step up to the ledge, stretch out my arms, and fall back knowing He will always be there to catch me.
So today I choose hope for today, tomorrow, and eternity.
Jamee, I love your honesty. You’re absolutely right: it’s so easy to say, “My hope’s in Christ” but then feel so uncertain. I heard a great definition for hope the other day: HOPE = Holding On Past Evil. I hope and pray this weekend brings you some relief.
Katie
Love that definition! I will have to keep that handy!
Giving everything to God takes not just a sense of hope and belief but also a strength. As strength that like you said, requires us to trust something unseen.
We wake up each day and make the choice to live, we just have to have the strength to live in the Lord which you already do.
Prayers headed your way.
That was really beautiful. You make it far because of your insight of yourself. Nothing will take you down!
I’m so glad I stopped by !! I can’t wait to read more, I’m now your newest follower:)
Beautifully said,
Just like physical exercise keeping your focus on what’s Christianity is a spiritual workout too. It’s something you need to consistently work on, if you expect to see results. Of course, there are times when we’ll stumble but we have to remember to that God is there to pick us up, and keep us moving forward.
Glad to see you’ve made a bit of a turnaround.
That is something I have had to learn too. We wont invite chronic illness in our lives. It just shows up one day and stays. Hope is not impossible. It is just harder to find sometimes.
I have a little something for you at my blog.
http://ohboy-boys.blogspot.com/2010/07/winning-award-sharing-it-with-15-others.html
Jamee,
I just found your blog! I am a fellow fibromyalgia sufferer who shares the struggle of keeping hope going in the midst of chronic pain.
I also suffered from infertility–although now I have three biological children and three adopted children (I’m an old, worn-out unit!)
I love your insights! Humor is my crutch and sometimes i hide my spirituality too deep. I blog (occasionally!) at terriferran.blogspot.com
Stop by sometime, and DON’T give yourself any grief about taking naps!
Vvisiting from 31DBBB
Such an inspiring post! I’m so glad I stopped by
Hey Jamee!
i found your blog through the 31DBBB challenge, and i loved reading your About Me and some of your posts. What an important story you have to share!
Thanks for visiting!
What a great post. Sometimes, we all need a good cry, without it I feel like it would be too hard to come back and find that hope again.
Again, I love your honesty! Wonderful post and beautiful picture of the sand and the ocean and HOPE all spelled out. Thanks for sharing, I will be praying for you. Angela
that was truly a beautiful statement of faith. thanks for sharing it with us.