chronic illnessfaith

Where’s the love?

Why is it that as soon as you make a commitment, the Enemy decides to attack? I was so stoked and ready to go after taking the Pledge to Love Myself. I was ready for a change in perspective.  More than anything I want to be a positive role model for my daughter. I want to her see her mom value herself and know without a doubt that she is worthy of love just the way she is – both by her heavenly Father and herself. I think this monthly project ties in perfectly with the Shrinkvivor challenge as I can work on being healthy inside and out. So after writing my pledge post, I was ready to go!

Then yesterday hit.  A pretty major flare started to set in Saturday afternoon.  It started after lunch (when I think my food somehow got cross-contaminated with gluten either by the preparers or my toddler wanting to have “bites” as she says of mommy’s food).  So by the time we got back home from an afternoon out, I was feeling pretty miserable.  It just went downhill from there.

So I woke up yesterday morning feeling like an elephant’s backside so I got Abby ready for church while John got dressed. She looked freaking adorable in her new FALL dress. Yes!  Fall weather has arrived! I only wish that I was somewhat coherent enough at the time to take a picture. Once I got them out the door, my plan was to take some meds and crawl back in bed hoping to get some much needed sleep and pray that the throbbing in my joints would stop.  That was not the case.

The Enemy thought that it was the perfect time to creep in.  Instead of falling back asleep, I became overwhelmed with sadness and guilt. What kind of person was I to send off my family to church while I crawled back in bed? What kind of mother did that make me? How dare I not support my husband and be there by his side at church! How could I ever expect to be a good wife and mother if I was sick all the time?  Why can’t I just suck it up and move on?  All of these questions swirled in my head.  My heart sank to the pit of my stomach.  I stared blankly at the television screen as I bit my lip to fight back the tears.

Was any of this true?

I turned on a hot shower in hopes to wash all of these feelings away.  It was then that I was reminded of the commitment and pledge I had taken the day before.  The light bulb came on and I began to understand the attack.  It was also then that my Maker reminded me of His wonderful promises:

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  Psalm 139:14

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27

Today I am ready once again for battle.  I realize that it will not be easy to maintain the pledge but with the promises of my Creator lifting me up, how can I not succeed?

What verses keep you going when life tries to get you down?

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8 comments on “Where’s the love?

  1. mamie says:

    I’m proud of you for knowing your body enough give it rest when it’s needed. So many times I feel guilty about not being there and push myself when I need to rest. I end up spending more days in bed or in the hospital because of it.
    In the long run being sick is just temporary. It doesn’t seem like then, especially when a flare lasts a week or 6 months but it’s all temporary. It’s important to me that my family knows I love them and that I take care of myself so I can be there for them when I am well.

    my verse is the same as yours
    For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer 29:11

    • mamie says:

      This is my sister’s verse but you could substitue your name. she has ulcerative colitis and RA just like me.

      Now the LORD was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did for Sarah what he had promised. Gen 21:1

  2. Brooke says:

    Jeremiah 29:11 is a favorite of mine as well.

  3. Katie says:

    Yesterday, Eddie (yes?) prayed for the enemy to leave “this place.” Well, he did. And he sat in the hallway making a dying battery beep every few minutes. I’m so sorry to hear he went to your house, too.

    Romans 5:3-5 is my personal petition lately.

    I pray today is better!


  4. Baffled says:

    Here is my favorite inspirational Buddhist phrase:
    “The barn’s burned down. Now, I can see the moon.”

  5. BalancingMama (Julie) says:

    Hang in there – you really are a tough cookie! I have one minor chronic illness that keeps me a little more tired than everyone else (and I’m not brave enough to tell anyone… it’s my secret), but otherwise can’t imagine what you go through most days. My week has totally run me down with a very sick child, ER visit, and cat put to sleep. Hubby out of town for most of it too. It is SO HARD not to curl up in my bed and give up. It’s OK that you went back to bed. You know why? Because you got up again. Keep getting up, keep doing what you can, and remember to take care of yourself sometime too. “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” – right? Hugs!

  6. Gloria says:

    You are all pretty amazing, considering you are dealing with problems with your body that you have little control over. Yet you have children, and if not children then grown children or maybe grandchildren or nieces or nephews that require care of some TLC. God Bless you, I have a friend who is afflicted with MS but she is a trooper, she has her difficult days, but manages to get to work. She has a love for HSN I know you ladys know what those initials are for. I know someone else whos son in law has MS, but it’s severity is worse off, he is not a older person either. He had to be put in a re-hab facility.
    It isn’t easy to deal with diagnosis then reqired therapy and tests and what ever else may come. May God Bless you and the people that have been inspirations to you. Good Luck


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