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May 21, 2014 will mark our ninth wedding anniversary which by no means makes me an expert on the subject but in these nine years, we have had to overcome more hurdles than some couples may face in a lifetime. Infertility. Losing a daughter with a failed adoption placement. Six surgeries. Weeks of hospital stays. Countless treatments with no success. Disability at 31.
Many marriages do not withstand these challenges unfortunately. The divorce statistics in marriage dealing with chronic illness is 75%.
SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT.
I am proud to say that while we have our struggles, our marriage is as solid as ever and I even got my husband to say “I do” again in September!
Want to know our secret to a happy marriage?
God.
If God was not the center of our marriage, I’m not sure we would have been able to handle some of the things that have been thrown at us. The verse we used as the theme of our wedding was Ecclesiastes 4:12, “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” God is our third strand.
I know what you may be thinking. The divorce rate among Christians is just as high as couple outside the church at a staggering 50%.
But there is a difference in having a belief in God and allowing Him to be the center and foundation of your marriage. Without God, I don’t think its possible to understand how to fully love someone else. Without experiencing the love and grace of our Creator, I would not know how to share that with another.
I don’t believe that love can fully be understood and experienced outside the context of God. God is love.
One of the most popular verses used during wedding ceremonies is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
I think in order to best comprehend the depth and meaning of this verse, we need to replace love with God: “God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud. God does not dishonor other, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers. God never fails.”
With God as a foundation, we are able to strive to make each one of this facets of love a part of our marriage. I truly believe that it is when we grow closer to God, we are able to grow closer to one another. He is the top of our triangle. He is the third chord in our marriage. He is our foundation upon which we can build our marriage. When we look through this lens, we can see things in a whole new light.
I am not at all saying that I have the perfect marriage as it is made up of two imperfect people but we have a strong foundation and every day we strive to be more like Christ and love like Christ. When you do that, it changes things. It doesn’t make the challenges go away but knowing we are not going through it alone gives us the strength to get through it and the faith to know that God has a plan for our lives even when we don’t know what it is.
May 21, 2005
September 14, 2013
I may not know where the next nine years will take us but I know who will be beside me.
Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” To say that the book is inspiring would be an understatement. I felt so refreshed and encouraged and I know you will be too! You can grab a copy HERE.