chronic illnessfaith

How big are your dreams?

Sunday morning I woke up ragged.  I spent most of the night tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable position.  What sleep I did get was filled with crazy dreams (like becoming a Sister Wife) courtesy of Tylenol PM.  So when my husband kissed me goodbye I sat on the edge of the bed trying decide whether to get ready for church or to crawl back under the covers and pray for more sleep.

My new medication was a flop.  I felt like I couldn’t keep my eyes open or complete a full sentence without losing my train of thought so its back to the drawing board so the flare is continuing.  More than once this weekend I ended up in tears because it felt like my joints were going to snap.

But as I sat my feet on the floor, I decided that I needed church more than I needed sleep.  I could take a nap later.  I needed refreshment and encouragement.  I needed the comfort of the Spirit.  Not that I couldn’t be refreshed by the Spirit at home but I needed the fellowship that can only be found among my fellow believers.  So I dug through my closet in hopes to find something that somewhat fit and got myself and Abby ready for church.

We made our way to church and after the music, John took Abby to the nursery as the sermon began.  From the beginning, I could feel God pulling on my heartstrings.  The sermon was on Moses and focused on the scene that took place at the burning bush.  Once God gave Moses the command to go back to Egypt to free His people, Moses gave a long list of excuses.  You see, Moses had a dream for the Isrealites but his dream was limited.  He did not see the whole picture.

The sermon then became more person.  Rob asked the question, “Do YOU dream God-sized dreams?”  He made the statement that he has never met someone who didn’t want to do great things or who didn’t want to make a difference in the world but we often limit ourselves by not allowing God to take control.  We need to take that step to live dangerously and dare to dream big.

So the while I am listening, the question that keeps plaguing me is, “Is the dream of being pain-free a God-sized dream?”  Or am I selling God short?  Lately, I have definitely felt like Moses in the wilderness wandering around in almost a state of exile.  I haven’t lost my faith or felt like God has deserted me but I do feel like at times I have blinders on because of my pain.  Its as if I cannot be used until the pain is gone.  I have the opportunity to do some small things now but the big things will happen when my pain is gone.  That’s when I can really be used!

So as I played this question over and over in my head I began to realize that I wasn’t dreaming big enough.  Is dreaming of being pain-free a bad thing?  Absolutely not and I hope to be there one day (soon!) but in the meantime I still serve a big God who can do big things regardless of my pain.  God used my SITS day and the outpouring of encouragement and support as a reminder the He still has big plans for me.

So my question for you is – are you dreaming God-sized dreams?

11 comments on “How big are your dreams?

  1. lisa says:

    hi, I have only found one other blogger who has lupus… and her name is summer.. which is funny because it’s my middle name.. I would love to chat with you on email too.. I am book marking and making you my newest follow.. but I want to read more when I get home… I have lupus and now they think more autoimmune things .. I have never heard “us” called spoonies’s so funny… WHere do you live? I am in NY.
    Here is my blog address.. if you have time to visit.
    1 Wasabi mommy

  2. Katie says:

    I think that is a great question: Are you dreaming God-sized dreams or are you making Moses-like excuses?

    I’m sorry this new medication was a flop, but I’m so glad you were able to go to church on Sunday! My heart smiled when I saw you. 🙂

    < Katie

    • Khara says:

      Sister, I’m always dreaming big. Now, are me dreams always directed in a Godly direction? Probably not as much as they could be or even as much as the should be. Right now I’m trying to become a nurse and serve others in that way. I hope God blesses you into being pain free. Either way, you definitely are inspiring and empowering other women though and that is pretty big!

  3. Crystal Lien says:

    What a great question. I think we often put limits on God. This is a great post.


  4. Karen T says:

    I lost my mom to multiple sclerosis and my dearest friend just got diagnosed with it. My sister has anklyosing spondylitis. I am very familiar with the daily (and hourly) struggles of chronic illness and I salute you for sharing with others. More people need to open their hearts and understand. I wish you all the best!

  5. Missy says:

    I hope you are able to find something soon that will relieve the pain.

    My God-sized dream is very recent and one that He has just started planting within my heart. I would love to get involved in some sort of Women’s Ministry and maybe even go to seminary at some point.

  6. misssrobin says:

    Since I have been fighting my illnesses my dreams have changed. My priorities have changed.

    Sometimes the old wants come back, not really dreams but still ideas I had for how my life would be. And then I remember. When I let Him direct my dreams I know they are possible and that they are what I really need.

    Thank you for the reminder.

  7. Young Wife says:

    Thank you for this post! It was such an encouragement to me. I’m sorry to hear your new medicine was a flop.

  8. Stopping by a bit late from SITS….

    Just wanted to say that I like the title of your blog. I heard the same message at the last WOF conference I went to and loved it. I worked in critical care before my last son was born and know that your illness is a tough one but I appreciate that you are taking it in stride and leaning on God! Be blessed!

  9. Dorlita says:

    I just want you to know that we suffer in our trial so that we can be a testimony to the glory of God and what he can do. I share your feelings of pain as I too have suffered the last 10 years in a horrible painful illness. But I trust in God for a complete renewing of my body and mind. While you are dreaming just know that you can still do big things in Christ. Your blog maybe helping someone else get through and you don’t even know. I will be praying for you because God gave me healing and even though it still gets a bit painful, I yet know that complete and total healing is coming just by seeing how far I’ve already come. If you trust and believe, I would like to pray with you sometime. I am a fellow SITS sister. May God bless and keep you. Until then…

  10. Erin says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who has dreams about Sister Wife every time I watch it! What is up with that? I am also living with several chronic illnesses, and I try to be patient and learn as God uses this to teach me what is really important. But that doesn’t mean I like it! 😉 I often say that I got a defective model and I want a refund! I hope that you can find a medication that will work for you. Thanks for the uplifting!


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