I most definitely did not expect to fall of the internet map over the last several weeks. The migraines I shared about in a previous post have intensified to the point when at least 5 days a week, I have intense migraines. The nausea, vomiting, dizziness, hypersensitivity to light and sound, the whole nine yards.
I have been diagnosed with chronic illness for almost 11 years and have had six abdominal surgeries yet I don’t think I’ve ever had something hit me so fast and so hard as these migraines. Daily functioning has been minimal. Sitting in front of the computer screen for more than 4-5 minutes at a time have been a challenge. Outside of some occasional pinning on Pinterest, my screen time has been minimal (and my apologies for the majority of my twitter feed being ads. I am trying to honor my commitments as well as help ends meet).
I’ve been trying to spend as much “functional” time with my family, as you all understand.
I have most definitely been struggling with the guilt of not being able to do enough – for my family, for my blog, and for myself. Its hard to not feel isolated or to keep from the negative thoughts from being overwhelming. Some days it feels like all hope is lost but I cannot give up.
I look down at my wrist and remind myself that I am a fighter.
I look at my daughter and my husband and remind myself that I am a fighter.
I look at all of the kind, encouraging, and supportive comments and messages I have received from this amazing community and remind myself that I am a fighter.
I look at God’s promises to be with me always and to have a beautiful future in store for me and I remind myself that I am a fighter.
I am determined to bring back life to A New Kind of Normal, even if it means writing posts 5 minutes at a time. I need it. When I saw my doctor on Thursday and we were discussing my history, he said that I needed to write a book so I told him that if he could help get my migraines under control, I would work on it.
Hopefully new things are just around the bend. Regardless of today’s challenges, there are always so many things to look forward to. Abby started kindergarten today (I totally cried!). Fall is just around the corner (praise Jesus for cooler weather!). And of course, a new season of Leroy Jethro Gibbs coming up (a Mark Harmon fix does a body good!).
I cannot put into words my gratitude for each and everyone of you sticking around and offering so much support and encouragement. Its hard to believe that A New Kind of Normal has been around over 7 years now and I had no idea what God had in store for me. My life has been incredibly blessed and you guys are a part of that. I love you all and I love being part of this community.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart and from my family to yours:
So if you are still hanging around, hang tight. Its time to reclaim hope.
P.S. Tomorrow will be a guest post (that was supposed to go up while we were on vacation which unfortunately didn’t happen) but definitely check back in as fellow endo warrior, Kenya, will be sharing how to end summer with a bang (even with chronic illness)!