faithinfertilityweight loss

I’m Tired.

I am tired of feeling mentally checked out of my weight loss goals. I worked my tail off to lose 40 lbs and here I am sitting 11 pounds over my goal weight & where I was at the start of 2011  (still at 136 for my challenge check-in). I know in my  head what I need to do but I just can’t seem to make myself do it. I get mad at myself and then I get depressed and then I am back in my emotional eating cycle.


I am tired of constantly being in pain. I know things are in motion to bring some answers but its not moving quite fast enough. I miss spending time with my husband and my daughter.


I am tired of feeling betrayed by my body. I am 29, not 79. I think I could handle my flaws better if I knew there were good memories attached. For example, I could handle a slightly softer middle if I knew that it was the result of a miracle pregnancy but instead its a result of 4 surgeries in 4 1/2 years and menopause at the age of 26. Seeing my scars is a visual reminder of the failure of my body.


I am tired of feeling empty in my spirit. I broke down on Monday evening sitting on the counter talking to my husband as I was sharing about feeling betrayed by my body (and feeling awful about my emotional breakdown on a beautiful post by A Belle, A Bean, & A Chicago Dog – sorry Liz!) and it struck me that I think part of my emptiness is feeling betrayed by God. I know in my head that He didn’t betray me nor did He cause my pain or sickness but I feel very alone spiritually.


I wish that the answer to my fatigue was sleep but I know its not that simple. While I am not sure what is going to happen next, the only thing I know to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and cling to His promise that in my future there is hope for prosperity.

weight loss

Burst into Summer Check-in #3

Burst Into Summer Challenge

This is going to be a quickie as I really don’t have much to say. I’m +0.2 this week which after a holiday weekend that included too much ice cream I can’t really complain. I really need to get on the stick about drinking more water. My symptoms have made it difficult to have many solid meals so water is going to be really important as in my choices of soft foods (like Slim-Fast versus a milkshake!).

Here is the weekly stats:

Starting Weight: 135

Current Weight: 136

Change: +1

weight loss

Burst into Summer Check-in #2

Burst Into Summer Challenge

So I’m not too happy to post this check-in. Honestly, I feel in some ways I’ve dropped into an emotional pit the last 4 or 5 days. I’m still waiting on test results so the waiting has my anxious. Illness has also made for some not too great communication on the home front so that has added to it. And the scale this morning proved the effects of emotional eating. Sigh.

I had a gain of 1.6lbs. So I’m back up to 135.8. I am not a happy camper. But the good thing I can take from this morning is a swift kick in the rear and motivated to make sure it doesn’t happen again. I’ve got my water bottle full and apples in the fridge to snack on (instead of chocolate and peanut butter deliciousness that seems to call my name when I’m stressed). Seriously, I need you all to find me on twitter in the afternoons and ask me what I’m drinking! If I know someone is going to be asking, I know I will stick with it!

This week’s mini-challenge is to eat  your fruits and veggies. Fruits I typically don’t have a problem with but veggies are an issue so I will have to work really hard this week to make this a habit!


Here is the weekly damage stats:

Starting Weight: 135

Current Weight: 135.8

Change: +.08