New year, new start.
I am well aware that it isn’t the start of a new calendar year but last week I had the “pleasure” of turning 35. I am officially in my mid-30s. YIKES. I had to knock off about two inches of dust from the blog and I’m sorry for being AWOL. The flares got worse and felt like I was in a hole and now matter how hard I tried, I kept falling farther and farther down the hole. It became easier to overlook the computer the to open the lid. It because easier to pretend like I had nothing to say because honestly I had nothing to say. To anyone. I had completely shut myself off from everyone. My family. My friends. Everyone. Its like for a period of time I seized to exist except for breathing, throwing up, and being in pain. I had become encased in a shell because of battling life with chronic illness. That was my whole existence. And to sum it up:
And you know what, I am done. D-O-N-E.
They say the first step to making a change is to admit that you have a problem. I have a problem. I have been barely existing in this sleep deprived blank state for far too long. I have watched too many things pass me by. I went to Disney in September and it was the most alive that I have felt in I don’t know how long (posts will be coming soon sharing all of those glorious details). I planned to get right on it as soon as I got back from Disney but this was the course of action (and I only wish I was exaggerating).
First, I got the typical post-vacation flare.
Then as soon as that lifted, I fell down our back stairs. My face broke my fall. It was bad. One minute I was at the top of the stairs putting my dog on her lead and the next thing I know I am face first in the first crying “ow, ow, ow” with blood streaming down my face, black eyes, scraped shoulder, knees, and elbows. It was not a pretty site.
As soon as that pain lifted, I got hit with this nasty respiratory infection that has not gone away despite antibiotics which require another call to the doctor tomorrow but I am calling it.
Enough is enough.
I am ready to make some life changes with my chronic illness. I am reclaiming my life. Yes, I am sick. It is a part of who I am but it does not have to be ALL that I am. This is my time. I have sat in the dark too long.
I deserve more. More importantly, my family deserves more.
I am stoked. I’ve got my planner ready. I’ve got lists, supplies, and even ordered some camera equipment to hopefully add some videos in here and there.
Change is coming people.
I hope you are as excited as I am. I am crying as I type this because I am so excited and ready. It is time to reclaim my life with chronic illness and it is going to be awesome!
More details to come!