New year, new start.
I am well aware that it isn’t the start of a new calendar year but last week I had the “pleasure” of turning 35. I am officially in my mid-30s. YIKES. I had to knock off about two inches of dust from the blog and I’m sorry for being AWOL. The flares got worse and felt like I was in a hole and now matter how hard I tried, I kept falling farther and farther down the hole. It became easier to overlook the computer the to open the lid. It because easier to pretend like I had nothing to say because honestly I had nothing to say. To anyone. I had completely shut myself off from everyone. My family. My friends. Everyone. Its like for a period of time I seized to exist except for breathing, throwing up, and being in pain. I had become encased in a shell because of battling life with chronic illness. That was my whole existence. And to sum it up:
And you know what, I am done. D-O-N-E.
They say the first step to making a change is to admit that you have a problem. I have a problem. I have been barely existing in this sleep deprived blank state for far too long. I have watched too many things pass me by. I went to Disney in September and it was the most alive that I have felt in I don’t know how long (posts will be coming soon sharing all of those glorious details). I planned to get right on it as soon as I got back from Disney but this was the course of action (and I only wish I was exaggerating).
First, I got the typical post-vacation flare.
Then as soon as that lifted, I fell down our back stairs. My face broke my fall. It was bad. One minute I was at the top of the stairs putting my dog on her lead and the next thing I know I am face first in the first crying “ow, ow, ow” with blood streaming down my face, black eyes, scraped shoulder, knees, and elbows. It was not a pretty site.
As soon as that pain lifted, I got hit with this nasty respiratory infection that has not gone away despite antibiotics which require another call to the doctor tomorrow but I am calling it.
Enough is enough.
I am ready to make some life changes with my chronic illness. I am reclaiming my life. Yes, I am sick. It is a part of who I am but it does not have to be ALL that I am. This is my time. I have sat in the dark too long.
I deserve more. More importantly, my family deserves more.
I am stoked. I’ve got my planner ready. I’ve got lists, supplies, and even ordered some camera equipment to hopefully add some videos in here and there.
Change is coming people.
I hope you are as excited as I am. I am crying as I type this because I am so excited and ready. It is time to reclaim my life with chronic illness and it is going to be awesome!
More details to come!
2 comments on “Awesome Things Are On The Way”
Love your enthusiasm! Remember to shoot for progress, but take it slowly so you don’t overload yourself. Sending prayers!
Jamee, I sure hate hearing about the flare up. I get one after every vacation too, but it didn’t end there for you. You had to take a tumble down the stairs and get an infection! Praying for a quick recovery!
I’ve got to give you a “you go girl” for making lists and getting your camera supplies to make some changes. I’m looking forward to what you have in store.
This is my first comment on your blog site. Thank you for having a place for us to share, support and learn. I have Lyme Disease, CFS, Fibromyalgia, inflammatory arthritis and an autoimmune liver disease called PBC. To make matters worse, my year old son has Lyme Disease too. So, here I am. A sick mother caring for my sick child. and then there is homeschool!
You motivated me to start my own blog. I want to reach out to others also. Especially sick mothers caring for sick children.