chronic styleholidays

What I Wish I Was Wearing Wednesday

I’ve totally been a slacker this week with taking pictures for What I Wore Wednesday. I’m having an internal argument with my body these days. Not the same argument that I wrote about yesterday but instead one regarding where I was one year ago weight-wise and where I am now.


This time last year I had just reached my goal weight of 125 marking a 43 lb weight loss in a year! I was so excited to slide into those size 3/4 pants at Maurices. This year I’m sitting about 15lbs heavier. Not where I want to be at all. I will acknowledge that 125 was probably too low a goal to maintain for my post-menopausal body. The crazy high pain levels, surgery, and post-op Megace treatments have not helped matters. However, I still need to take ownership that my poor decisions have contributed as well (even though its very tempting to blame it all on the Megace since weight gain is the #1 side effect).


While my husband really likes my body at its current weight (I gained my curves back!), I would like to lose at least 5-8lbs. I think I would feel much more comfortable if I weighed between 130-135. So while I’ve been browsing Pinterest for cute outfit ideas, I’ve also been building a motivation board to help get me back in gear to make some healthy decisions. I’m not going to say diet but rather a lifestyle change. As much as I looooove my Dr. Pepper, its about time that we broke up. The holidays aren’t exactly the best time to kick the sweets to the curb, I know its a choice I won’t regret. I’m hoping the Sisterhood will have a challenge that kicks off after Christmas!


Enough of the shop talk – let’s talk clothes shall we? While I stunk at taking pictures this week, I did plenty of pinning! These are some of my favorite outfits from Pinterest* for what the series should be named “What  I wish I Was Wearing Wednesday” instead:



*Dress/Outfit is no longer available*

Words cannot describe how much I love this dress! I feel like its a bit edgy but feminine at the same time! I would have to trade out the shoes thought. Maybe black or even a pop of color like pink.


Source: French Connection

Lucinda Sequin Dress

This would be so fun for a Christmas or even a New Years party! What girl doesn’t love sequins & sparkles?

Collection Designer Fashionable Holiday Dresses

Source: Net-A-Porter Fashion Fix

See above.

Fun Holiday Outfit Jeans Blazer and SequinsSource: Tumbler

This one is more causal but still includes some sparkle! Love the mix of the sequins and animal print!

Let-It-Snow-Casual-Holiday-OutfitSource: Let It Snow – Polyvore

This is a totally casual outfit but I think it would be perfect for a holiday shopping trip or hanging out with family and friends!

If you got to pick a dream outfit for the holiday season, what would it be?

***Important Note: If you love these outfits as much as I do and want to add them to your favorite Pinterest boards, please click through by clicking on the image or the link below so that you can pin the outfit to its original source***

chronic illnessfaith

When Faith Is Challenged

At one point I shared about my faith quite frequently on my blog. I looked forward to putting together a post for Friday Words of Faith. I enjoyed sharing about the things I was learning about God through my everyday experiences with illness, motherhood, and life.


If you’ve noticed, these posts have been few and far between lately. I don’t feel as though I’ve lost my faith however it has been challenged. About two years ago, I was really wrestling with how to reconcile who God is with the devestation that chronic illness can bring. Is He the cause of my illness or did He simply allow it to happen? I was not brought up in a church that supported asking questions like this so I really had to wrestle. In the end, I decided God was not the source of my suffering, however, I had the choice of how I reacted to my suffering. I could allow it to make me become bitter and angry or I could choose to grow through it and use my experience to give Him honor. It wasn’t an easy journey but I do feel like I came out on the other side a better and stronger person.


Fast-forward to the present – I still believe all these things. I really do. However I think there is a part of me that feels abandoned. I feel like I’ve tried so hard to do the right thing. We’ve tried every treatment under the sun. I’ve seen specialist after specialist and the bottom line is that I am still in pain I would say that I feel God has been silent but that would be a lie. The truth is lately I’ve taken very little time to listen. I’ve closed myself off and built my own little secluded island to avoid being honest with how I feel but that needs to end.


Honestly, I feel exhausted. It beyond physical fatigue. It is an exhuastion that reached down to my core emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I feel like I’m running a race with no end in sight. The only words I hear are “I’m sorry. There is nothing else we can do.”


Next to the exhaustion, I feel betrayal. I feel like my body has betrayed me in every way possible. I just turned 30 but feel much older. I feel robbed of my music and running, as well as many other things I enjoy, as my body no longer allows me to participate. I feel betrayed in that God would even allow illnesses like this to exist. Why would He allow His people to suffer? Couldn’t He at least give scientists and doctors the knowledge needed to develop a cure? I find myself listing off things in my head that I could accomplish if only I were healthy. I find myself somewhere between grief and despair but sometimes it is only when you acknowledge the darkness that you are able to see the light.


It is in this honesty that I find relief and peace. In pouring out my heart, I have created room for God to pour His Spirit in me. I realized that I do not need to know all the answers to feel the peace only He can offer. I once heard someone say, “It may not be well with my circumstances but it is well with my soul.” I just need to lean on Him and He will carry me through it. The road might be rocky and the road might be long but I have a promise that I do not have to travel it alone. It is time for me to come out of hiding and allow myself to be in His presence.


One of my favorite songs of all time is called “I Believe in Love” by Barlow Girl. I often call it my “life song” as it truly fits with where I am in life. One of the verses says, “Though I can’t see my story’s ending that doesn’t mean the dark night has no end. Its only here that I find faith and learn to trust the One who writes my days.” So here I am standing in the midst of my own personal chaos choosing to say that I believe.


Thanksgiving Blessings

We made it home Saturday from a 4 day trip to Surfside Beach for Thanksgiving! My parents now own a condo down there so when they invited us to join then for the holiday there was no way we were going to say no! It also ended up that Hubs’ family was also going to celebrate at the beach and they were less than 5 miles away! It was so much fun to have BOTH families nearby!


The blessing in disguise of the trip was having no data service. If you were lucky, you could get phone calls but once you tried email, Facebook, or twitter you got nada which was not dependent on which provider you had so it was nice that we all got to be unplugged for a couple days! I had wanted to put up a couple more posts last week but in the end, I will take the time with family! We have another road trip coming up on Thursday to my parents in VA! Not looking forward to more time in the car (so I’m asking for tips on my Facebook page!) but I am looking forward to seeing my extended family! It is the only time that the 3 of us kids will be able to be together for the holidays! I will also get to see my grandparents (A’s great grandparents!) who I have not seen for over a year!


Here are a couple shots from our wonderful time at the shore:

Family Thanksgiving Surfside Beach

Did anyone else adventure to another state or town for the  holidays?