Friday Words of Faith: 2 Years Ago

2 years ago I found myself in a dark place.

2 years ago my heart was shattered into a million pieces.

2 years ago I felt that my dream of motherhood would never come true.

2 years ago I honestly wasn’t sure if I could love again.

I was hurt. I was angry. I was grieving. I was bitter. I had every emotion possible circulating through my body. This time two years ago I was still reeling from our loss of Mia. It was a pain like I had never experienced. My faith was put to the test. How could a God of Love allow such hurt? Was this His plan or her choice?

My instincts were to shut down. Cut everyone off who had the potential to hurt me, including God. I just didn’t understand how He could bring good out of such a painful and dark situation.

But He did.

It would take 6 weeks but little did we know that His glory would be revealed on April 30th when we were matched with our miracle Abby. It was so hard to stay optimistic during our wait but we clung to His promise of hope and on June 22, 2009 we brought our little girl home and our family became whole.

We will never forget Mia as she is forever in our hearts wherever she is and thankful that she helped to teach us that even when things aren’t what that should be or what we had planned, that our God is always in control and one day we will taste the sweetness of the plans He has for us.

Our God in In Control by Steven Curtis Chapman

This is not how it should be
This is not how it could be
This is how it is
And our God is in control

This is not how it will be
When we finally will see
We’ll see with our own eyes
He was always in control

And we’ll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
And we will finally really understand what it means
So we’ll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
While we’re waiting for that day

This is not where we planned to be
When we started this journey
But this is where we are
And our God is in control

Though this first taste is bitter
There will be sweetness forever
When we finally taste and see
That our God is in control

And we’ll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
And we will finally really understand what it means
So we’ll sing holy, holy, holy is our God
While we’re waiting for that day

We’re waiting for that day
We’ll keep on waiting for that day
And we will rise
Our God is in control




Our Diverse Family

In case you haven’t noticed by the header or by pictures I’ve posted, Abby and I don’t look a thing alike.  She doesn’t favor Hubs either so when we are seen out as a family, its pretty obvious that we adopted.

We get the typical intrusive adoption questions like: “Where did you get her?” “How much did you pay for her?” and my favorite,  “Did you see that movie on Lifetime where the birthmom murdered the adoptive parents and stole her baby back?” I’ve also had people ask why we didn’t choose to adopt a child that looked more like us so it wouldn’t be so obvious that she was adopted (as if it was something to be ashamed of but that is for another post).

(I’m not sure what it is about adoption where it somewhere becomes ok to be intrusive (and sometimes flat out rude). Maybe that why I get such a kick out of this video.)

Long before we crossed the infertility hurdle – even before we were married – we knew that we wanted to adopt. So when we were told IVF was our only option and even then it would be unlikely that I could carry full-term, we started our adoption journey. Early on, we just felt called to be a diverse family. We weren’t sure whether that meant international adoption or domestic so we pursued all our options. We looked into Korea and Ethiopia but our health conditions kept us from applying and we were too young for many of the other countries (minimum age is 30). So when we chose the domestic adoption route, we still felt that pull so we were open to a child of any race.

We let our family know of our desires upfront and were prepared to be faced with questions. The book Cross Cultural Adoption: How to Answer Questions from Family, Friends, & Community was extremely helpful in helping us form answers to some of the questions we would be asked before hand (I kept me from poking someone in the eye a time or two). We also took a class through Adoption Learning Partners and attended several workshops through our agency that were also extremely helpful. We knew that it was important to be prepared not only for questions from others but questions from Abby as well as she got older so we not only consulted our agency and workshops, but others within our community. We didn’t want our child to lose his or her ethnicity by growing up with white parents so education was very important for us.

We knew going into our adoption that we would face a lifetime of questions. Some polite and others not so much. We knew that living in the south would probably raise the number of questions and eye-brow raises. But we also knew that this is where God was leading us and we knew that He would equip us and He has.

We have a wonderful church and daycare where Abby is one of several biracial children in her class so she never has to feel like she doesn’t fit because of the color of her skin. Through the magic of the interwebs and social media, I have a group of other adoptive moms of diverse families where I can find information on caring for ethnic hair and finding a sunscreen that won’t turn Abby into the purple monster. I am so incredibly thankful for the community that I have found through facebook, twitter, and other forums that help me become a better mom for Abby.

So can being a diverse family be trying at times? Absolutely. Would I trade it for the world? Not a chance!




chronic illnessweight loss

Spring in 2 Action Week #3

Spring In2 Action

I’m in better spirits posting this week. Still holding at 134 which I’m not thrilled about but I’m determined not to beat myself up about it. Pain has been an issue that last week so still no pushups.

I have found myself saying “once the pain subsides, I will start exercising and really buckle down on my diet” but the truth is I’m not sure when (or if ) my pain will subside so I need to be really conscious of my diet now. But I don’t want to be obsessive about it so I’m not sure counting calories is the way I want to go. I’m more interested in learning to make smart decisions more than I am the number on the scale.

I started reading Intuitive Eating last night and after just 2 chapters, I’m hooked. A lot of it seemed like common sense type things but sometimes it takes reading it for the concept to really sink in. I also really like that its written by both a nutritionist and a therapist to not only get behind what you are eating but why you are eating. One of the things that I read was that studies are now finding that children as young as 6 are becoming conscious of their bodies as far as weight goes and start obsessing about their weight. SIX!!! But why wouldn’t they when all they hear their moms (and dads) say “I’m too fat” or “I need to diet.”  I don’t want to be one of those moms. I really want to get a healthy relationship with food so I can model that for Abby. Media and society make it hard enough to be comfortable in one’s own skin.

Hopefully next week I’ll have some good news to report!