October, 2010

Sunday morning I woke up ragged.  I spent most of the night tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable position.  What sleep I did get was filled with crazy dreams (like becoming a Sister Wife) courtesy of Tylenol PM.  So when my husband kissed me goodbye I sat on the edge of the bed trying decide whether to get ready for church or to crawl back under the covers and pray for more sleep.

My new medication was a flop.  I felt like I couldn’t keep my eyes open or complete a full sentence without losing my train of thought so its back to the drawing board so the flare is continuing.  More than once this weekend I ended up in tears because it felt like my joints were going to snap.

But as I sat my feet on the floor, I decided that I needed church more than I needed sleep.  I could take a nap later.  I needed refreshment and encouragement.  I needed the comfort of the Spirit.  Not that I couldn’t be refreshed by the Spirit at home but I needed the fellowship that can only be found among my fellow believers.  So I dug through my closet in hopes to find something that somewhat fit and got myself and Abby ready for church.

We made our way to church and after the music, John took Abby to the nursery as the sermon began.  From the beginning, I could feel God pulling on my heartstrings.  The sermon was on Moses and focused on the scene that took place at the burning bush.  Once God gave Moses the command to go back to Egypt to free His people, Moses gave a long list of excuses.  You see, Moses had a dream for the Isrealites but his dream was limited.  He did not see the whole picture.

The sermon then became more person.  Rob asked the question, “Do YOU dream God-sized dreams?”  He made the statement that he has never met someone who didn’t want to do great things or who didn’t want to make a difference in the world but we often limit ourselves by not allowing God to take control.  We need to take that step to live dangerously and dare to dream big.

So the while I am listening, the question that keeps plaguing me is, “Is the dream of being pain-free a God-sized dream?”  Or am I selling God short?  Lately, I have definitely felt like Moses in the wilderness wandering around in almost a state of exile.  I haven’t lost my faith or felt like God has deserted me but I do feel like at times I have blinders on because of my pain.  Its as if I cannot be used until the pain is gone.  I have the opportunity to do some small things now but the big things will happen when my pain is gone.  That’s when I can really be used!

So as I played this question over and over in my head I began to realize that I wasn’t dreaming big enough.  Is dreaming of being pain-free a bad thing?  Absolutely not and I hope to be there one day (soon!) but in the meantime I still serve a big God who can do big things regardless of my pain.  God used my SITS day and the outpouring of encouragement and support as a reminder the He still has big plans for me.

So my question for you is – are you dreaming God-sized dreams?