We got a call from our agency this morning. It seems that the bmom stopped by the agency and she was talking to our social worker about how she knew that God would bless us with a baby. So our wonderful social worker let her know that God wasn’t the issue in this and that she should apologize for what she has put us through. They (the agency) had asked her to call her family early on but she waited until after she was released from the hospital after the papers were signed. I am glad to know that our agency is fighting for us and is totally behind us. The vengeful side of me is thinking, “good! She deserved to be put in her place.” But I know that is not the attitude I should have. Even as I write this I am thinking about how we should be preparing to bring our daughter home this weekend and we should be preparing ourselves for sleepless nights and mounds of diapers. But we’re not. The tears are hard to fight back and my heart is far from being healed.
The last week has been a complete blur. If you want the full story, check out my adoption blog but to make a long story short, we have had another failed adoption match. We actually had 3 days of parenthood before the adoption papers were revoked. All of the highs of being called “mommy” have now come crashing down. So all of the fatigue and emotions from the last 5 days has set in. I feel empty inside. I feel like I’ve lost a child yet I’ve got no tangible way to have closure. I know the next several days as people begin to find out about our failed match that I will here “This must not have been the child meant for you” and “God has a plan” and “There is something better for you out there” I will have to restrain myself from punching someone in the face. I completely believe that God has a plan and that His plan includes John & I becoming parents (and staying parents) but I wish people would avoid the sunday school answers for awhile. So I think I plan on hibernating the rest of the day. Or maybe I will head out after awhile and try some retail therapy. Or maybe I call get my doctor to call me in some prozac.
Oh and maybe I can call Gerber and have them quite showing that heartbreaking commercial for awhile. Infertility can totally take a hike.