We found an agency that we are super interested in as they have a strong Korea program and today we signed up for our next seminar on May 22nd! What a great anniversary gift! Our 3 year anniversay is on the 21st so maybe we will make an evening out of it and have a nice dinner in Charlotte while we are there! But I am so excited! I have been emailing back and forth with the intake coordinator all day and she has been so helpful and friendly! I just have this pure joy in my soul that I cannot even begin to describe! What made the afternoon better is that I had John swing by my office on his way home so that I could give him the tshirt I ordered and he teared up when he opened the box. Just the reaction I hoped for! He was so excited to know that hopefully next year our little one will be “daddy’s groupie” Thank you God for open doors!
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April, 2008
Beautiful Ceremony
We had a beautiful service last night in church. It was called the “Ceremony of Hope” and was a special service to raise money for Relay for Life. Several people performed special music and members who are cancer survivors shared their testimonies. It was so amazing. I’ll be honest that one of my biggest fears at every blood test and every surgery is that they will find cancer. I think that part of it comes from the fact that since my diagnosis I have never felt “good.” I may see a temporary improvement but I still never feel good. So I’m always afraid that the doctors have missed something. But God definitely gave me a peace last night that even if they would find cancer at my surgery May 30th, I have a peace to know that God is still on the throne and He is still in control. It was such an amazing feeling! And I am thankful that regardless of what I have gone through thus far, I am lucky in that that is one hurdle I have not had to cross. During the special music, one woman sang a song I had never heard before. It is called “Broken into Beautiful” and is performed by Mandisa. These words truly touched my heart. It reminded me that God has turned my illness into an opportunity to share my faith and testimony and He has turned my infertility into an opportunity to give an orphan a home. He has taken what I considered broken and turned it into something amazing and beautiful. I am so thankful of the ways God has continued to reveal Himself to me in my life these past few days. I mean He reveals Himself everyday but I guess the better thing to say is that I have been more attentive to Him speaking. These are the lyrics and I pray that they touch your heart as they have touched mine:
Broken Into BeautifulGwen Smith/Sue Smith/Chad Cates
She’s smiling on the outside
But she’s hurting on the inside
It’s getting hard just living anymore
And the shadows she has clung to
Painful things that she has been through
Have left her feeling worthless, Lord…
butYou change worthless into precious
Guilty to forgiven
Hungry into satisfied
Empty into full
All the lies are shattered
And we believe we matter
When You change broken into beautiful
We live with accusations
Sometimes heavy expectations
That tell us we can never measure up
And yet You repeat with mercy
That in your eyes we are worthy
At last we see how much we’re loved cause
Chorus
Though we can’t see how we can stand before you Lord
And feel valued, priceless and adored
Closer
Closer by Charlie Hall
Verse: Beautiful are the words spoken to me
Beautiful is the one who is speaking
Chorus: Come in close, come in close and speak
Come in close, come closer to me
Bridge: The power of Your words are filled with grace and mercy
Let them fall on my ears and break my stony heart
Alt chorus: Come in close, come in close and speak
Come in close, come closer to me
Heavenly Father, thank You for speaking to me through such simple words. Thank You for the brokenness that brought me to a place of knowing You more. God thank You for breaking away the ice of bitterness and frustration that have been encompassing my heart. God I keep saying that this surgery is going to open up a new chapter of my life but I now realize that nothing will change if I do not begin to change my heart. I want more than anything to be a mother and I know that there are things in my life that need to change in order to be the type of mom that brings You glory. God I pray that You increase my desire to follow You. God change me from the inside out and help me make the purpose of my life to bring You praise. You are so awesome and amazing and words cannot express how gratiful I am from all You have given me. First of all you have given me a chance to be called Yours through the death, burial, and resurrection of Your Son Jesus Christ. God You allowed me to be raised in a Christian home and meet and marry a wonderful Christian man who is so incredible and supportive. God I thank You for the gift of music and I pray that everytime I open my mouth in song is to bring You praise. God I pray that each day I grow to be more like You. Lord I am tired of the same thing and I am so ready to go “all in.” God each day mold me and make me into the woman that You want me to be. God I pray that You go before us and prepare the way for our adoption. God I pray that You give our hearts guidance in the direction that You want us to go in the way of choosing a country and agency. We want more than anything to follow Your will. Lord thank You again for the time of worship and the movement of Your Spirit. I pray over each of the teenagers and adults that made decisions tonight. Bring us all safely together again tomorrow. Amen.