Its been awhile

I didn’t realize how long it has been since I blogged! Frankly, things have been crazy! Work has been nuts the past two weeks and I’m just taking a quick breather before jumping back into a huge pile of invoices. On September 20th, I was officially diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I have started a new drug regimen that is suppose to help but I haven’t gotten far enough into it to feel any results. I had a really bad flare this past weekend that almost landed me in the ER. But thankfully, that has subsided. I start aquatic therapy in addition to my regular PT which I am looking forward to. Last night was an emotional Cross-over service with our teenagers. The passage John preached from was in Proverbs and the theme of the message was that there are times in life where you may not have any other option than to just trust God. There are times that we may not understand what is going on in our lives and we may be frustrated and angry, but we must keep walking towards God in faith and only then may we begin to understand. To give a personal experience to help the teenagers understand, he shared our struggle with my chronic illnesses and our infertility. He cried and then I cried. But I really think it helped the youth fully understand the passage. John had asked me if I minded that he shared that before the service and I told him absolutely not as I believe these experiences are now a part of my testimony. I do not believe God caused me to go through these but I believe God can help me to use these experiences in my ministry. I have really begun to feel so much more peace about everything. Too bad I don’t feel peaceful about the invoices I’ve got to get back to! 🙂 hahaha!

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1 month til my birthday!

I am proud to say that I am feeling much better. Yesterday I went running for the first time in a long time and it felt so good! I’m sore this morning but for that time it was just me and God and it was wonderful! John and I have had a lot of talks and while we are still excited about adoption, we also want to take the time to focus on our marriage. We’ve been married for almost 2 1/2 years but 2 years of that were consumed by TTC and trying to beat endo/IF. So now we are looking forward to focusing on us and giving ourselves time to breathe.
And let me tell you how excited that I am that it is fall and that I can walk outside without melting into a puddle! The temp on my desk reads 70 degrees! Woo-hoo! And there is so much to look forward to for fall! The weather. My birthday (turning the ripe old age of 26!). Carving pumpkins! And the Fair!! I’m so excited!

Hard weekend

This has been a really tough weekend. I have had so much on my mind. My disease has definitely trapped me this weekend. I’m having a hard time getting out from under the pain and everything else that goes along with it. Last night I broke down. I am just so tired of not being able to live life like a normal 25 year old. I’m tired of doctors saying that they can fix me when they can’t. I’m tired of people acting like they care when they really don’t. It’s just so frustrating! And I can feel myself starting to retreat in efforts to protect myself. And I don’t want to live this way. I definitely think I’m going to try to find a counselor this week to help me make sense of everything. Between infertility, illness, and life, its just become too much. I’m really hoping that tomorrow is a better day.