So its the first challenge of Rethink Your Shrink over at the Sisterhood of Shrinking Jeans and this weeks challenge is called “Project Me” and requires thinking about the year about what worked as well as what didn’t work. Its been tough but here goes!
What about 2009 (and beyond) did not work? I think the thing that hurt me the most in 2009 is not having clear goals. Yes I wanted to lose weight and exercise more but personally I need more definition than that. I also think I was shooting myself in the foot by saying I want to lose 40 pounds. Its true that that is how much weight I want to lose but looking at it like that can feel very defeating. Instead I realize its much better (and more motivating) to set smaller goals.
Did I fall short of achieving them? If so, why? What were my biggest obstacles? I definitely did not achieve any of the goals I set for 2009 (what little goals I actually had in mind). I won’t lie. 2009 was a roller coaster of a year. I have been experiencing a lot of issues with my endometriosis and my fibromyalgia (I’m sure I earned some frequent flier miles at my doctors’ offices). We had a second failed adoption match in March that was extremely difficult (the short story: we were matched, baby girl was born early, papers were signed, we parented for 4 days from NICU, and then the papers were revoked). The grief was overwhelming. I felt (and still feel) like I lost a child. It is amazing how strongly you can attach to a child in such a short amount of time. We were matched again 8 weeks later. We were so scared to get our hopes up. We waited 8 long weeks for everything to get itself worked out (paperwork, etc) and on June 22 we received the call to pick up our daughter! We were thrilled! Words cannot describe all of the emotions that came with receiving that call! Our daughter Abby was 8 weeks old when she joined our family and it has been a whirlwind ever since. So 2009 has its moments of extreme joy as well as extreme heartache.
What was my “rock bottom” moment? I think my rock bottom moment came after looking at pictures of myself with my daughter. I am definitely at my highest weight. It didn’t help when my mom told me that when she would show off pictures of Abby and I that people would comment on how much weight I had gained. Of course she had my back and reminded them that I had had 4 surgeries in 4 years the last of which being a total hysterectomy and that she thought I looked amazing (I love you mom!). But still, what they said is true. I had gained a lot of weight.
What are my bad habits? I definitely have my share of bad habits. First, I have a killer sweet tooth. I love anything sweet. Which makes that habit worse is that I am definitely an emotional eater and the first thing I reach for is something sweet. Whenever I am stressed, upset, or hurting ice cream becomes my best friend (of course I end up getting more upset with myself). Busyness is also an issue with working full-time, attending grad school, and now being a mom. I definitely didn’t plan enough and would rely on quick foods (which of course are generally the least healthy).
Then, take a look at 2009 and beyond and think about what did work. Because you don’t want to fix what ain’t broke. If something worked for you, if you felt progress somewhere, found successes, (because along the journey there are a million tiny victories, many of them non-scale related!), what were those? All of your victories are a very big deal! Give yourself a high five, out loud, to everyone! The only thing that “worked” for me in 2009 was becoming a mother. I look at my daughter and know that I want to be a good role model for her. I want her to see her mom eating right and working out. I want her to know that being healthy is a priority. Growing up I saw my parents constant struggle with weight and now I am dealing with the same struggle. I do not want that for Abby.
The part three of this project is to work out those bugs from 2009. For anything that didn’t work, think about your proposed solutions to the issues. And I say “proposed” because this is all one big experiment. They could change at any time because not everything works the way you want it to. And that’s ok! This is a journey. Not an immediate fix. These things take time. This is a work in progress. For 2010, I have written my goals down. I am such a visual person. I don’t know why I never did this before. To also help with my visual nature, I am writing everything down as far as what I eat. It helps keep me accountable. I am also reading more for my emotional and spiritual health to keep tabs on my emotional eating. Currently I am reading All I Need is Jesus and a Good Pair of Jeans. This is an amazing book. You should check it out! Plus another proposed solution is the awesome community at the Sisterhood!
Here is my before pic: