faithinfertility

God is absolutely amazing!

While I have been missing John like crazy, God has really been speaking to me in this time I have alone. He has just given me so many reminders that He is here with me all throughout this journey and all I have to do is trust Him. Isn’t that crazy? That is all He is asking and He will do the rest. True, sometimes it is easier to say it than to do it, but I am filled with such a peace knowing who is in control. And its not me! United Live has recorded a song that brings me to tears everything I hear it because its words describe everything that I am feeling. Here they are:

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose
There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise
In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forevermore
The second verse is what really gets to me. Its easy to have full faith and trust when times are easy and you’re on a mountaintop. But its during those times of chaos and confusion that its easy to question but its so fulfilling to know that even in those times–the times of sickness and infertility–that God is still Sovereign! Praise the Lord!
Last night, I taught the middle schoolers at church and we talked about spiritual gifts and took a spiritual gifts inventory. I had taken one previously but I knew for some reason that I needed to retake it last night. My top three gifts were music, discernment, and faith. I knew about the top two but I think God was using the last one as a reminder of all that He has brought me through this far and by continuing to fully trust in Him that He will carry me the rest of the way through. I have just be so full of peace that words can’t explain it!
And wouldn’t you know that it looks like we might be able to do the IUI this cycle after all! I’ve been using my CBEFM (Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor) and OPKs (Ovulation Predictor Kits) and so far there is no sign of ovulation (not a hint of second line to be seen) so it looks like it will probably be the beginning of next week before I ovulate meaning that there is a big chance that we will be able to go through with the IUI procedure! God has worked it out to have perfect timing! I am just so filled with excitement that I could pop! I can’t wait to tell John! Woo-hoo!!!!
chronic illnessinfertility

Frustrating weekend

Ugh, I have had such a frustrating weekend! Let me start by saying that I had a wonderful time with John’s family. It was so good to see them and spend some quality time with each of them. Vickie and I did some mother/daughter bonding over shopping Saturday afternoon and here’s where it gets frustrating. I saw some of the cutest clothes already out for fall but in the back of my mind I kept asking myself, “Could I wear that if I get pregnant?” I had the same problem last fall and the fall before that. I’ve been asking myself this question for almost TWO YEARS!! I am so over it! But I am aware that I cannot put my life on hold because of infertility so I will probably be back out shopping this weekend! Hahaha! Especially since my mom will be in town 🙂

The other frustrating part of the weekend was that my pain was back full force. I have hurt so bad and it has forced me to take my prescription painkillers. I really thought that this third surgery would do the trick but I really don’t feel much of a difference and its been almost 8 weeks. I just don’t understand. I’m having to go to my general doctor at 10:30 today to be sure I don’t have an ear infection so I might ask her opinion. I just wish I could go a week without having to talk to a doctor! Is that too much to ask?

In addition, I am officially alone until Friday. John left with our high schoolers this morning to head to Charleston, SC for a mission trip. I will miss him very much but I know that they will have an AWESOME time. It just one more thing that my health as caused me to miss out on 🙁

chronic illnessinfertility

Friday the 13th!

It has definitely been a week that makes me want to say “Thank God It’s Friday!” I do not know what has made this week go by so slow! Work has been quite this week with my boss out of town so that has made time go by slowly. But I think starting this new medicated cycle has made it really hard to focus because all I seem to think about is infertility and trying to get pregnant. Today was the last day of taking the drugs so maybe I won’t feel quite as consumed next week. Well come to think of it, John will be out of town all next week so I’ll be lonely so my luck I will be lonely and stressed! Hahaha! Sounds like a chick-flick and ice cream fest to me! Anyone want to join me? LOL. I’m really looking forward to this weekend though as we’re getting ready to leave for Thomasville to spend time with John’s family and relaxing. I really hope it will keep my mind off of everything. I think my goal next week will be to fine tune our new budget. We went looking at new cars last night just to the sake of curiosity and found several that we liked. So we are really wanting to get our current car paid off asap. I would love to be debt free (outside of student loans of course) in time to have a baby! I may go through shopping withdrawals in the meantime but I think in the end it will all be worth it! Gosh as an adult there is so much to think about!! LOL. I’m off to hit the road toT-ville! God Bless!