And now I am officially freaked about the reality of having a total hysterectomy. We discussed the procedure itself and the risks involved. We talked about the length of hospital stay (which thank goodness is alot shorter than I read online–2 nights for abdominal hyst versus the 5 nights I read online). We talked about the drugs (the good part…ha!) And then we talked about what it would be like waking up in menopause (the really scary part!) I told her that my research said that I would be incredibly emotional and cry for no reason and she said that yes, its probably true. So we discussed different HRT (hormone replacement therapy) regimens and that it would probably take around a month to get everything evened out (poor DH!) The reality of losing my entire reproductive system is huge! I mean I’m ready to be pain free and living without AF doesn’t sound to shabby but its the finality of it all that gets me. I am over the moon to be beginning the adoption process and I’m mostly over dealing with the whole never getting pregnant thing but its still tough to think about. All of these women at church keep telling me how glad I’ll be when its over and done but I just want to shake them sometimes and say, “Look you are in your late 40s so of course you were happy about it! I am 26 years old! This shouldn’t be happening yet!” But of course I just smile and say thanks. The part I hate is the now I’ve got 25 days to mull over all my worries and probably make myself crazy. But on the positive side, I’ve got next week in Florida to relax and hopefully get my mind of it!
Alot of discussions this week have really made me think about my faith and my feelings regarding “religion” and “church.” I feel like somewhere along the way we as Christians have gotten distracted and lost the call that Jesus intrusted us as believers with. We are hung up on such stupid things that blind us to the reality of eternity and that there are people who are in need of Christ but we are too busy fighting amongst ourselves. I am tired of what “church” has become. It has become a social organization where we meet every Sunday with people who look just like us and think just like us, etc. I am so ready to break out of this mold! I am ready for something different! I am ready to truly be an imitator of Christ!
These lyrics by Todd Agnew in the song “My Jesus” explain how I feel so much more perfectly than I could I have ever written myself:
We found an agency that we are super interested in as they have a strong Korea program and today we signed up for our next seminar on May 22nd! What a great anniversary gift! Our 3 year anniversay is on the 21st so maybe we will make an evening out of it and have a nice dinner in Charlotte while we are there! But I am so excited! I have been emailing back and forth with the intake coordinator all day and she has been so helpful and friendly! I just have this pure joy in my soul that I cannot even begin to describe! What made the afternoon better is that I had John swing by my office on his way home so that I could give him the tshirt I ordered and he teared up when he opened the box. Just the reaction I hoped for! He was so excited to know that hopefully next year our little one will be “daddy’s groupie” Thank you God for open doors!