Today is the type of day where it is hard to stay positive. Today is my fourth day of hormones for this cycle and I can tell that they have definitely kicked in. Not only am I becoming more emotional with each passing hour, but my lower back is killing me! Ugh. Oh the things we do in hopes to get pregnant! Even with this frustration, I have a verse that keeps coming back to mind. Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Coincidence? I think not! I know that now is my time to trust Him in everything and find delight in all that He has blessed me with in my life. Its so crazy how God does so many little things to remind us how He is with us and reminds us that He does in fact have a plan. Today, on the Trouble TTC board on the nest, a fellow nestie announced her BFP this morning and I just got so excited for her! I had so much joy bubble up b/c it was a reminder that one day it will in fact happen! Today for her maybe next month for me! It is so refreshing to know that I serve a living and gracious Savior who has my best intrests at heart! I honestly would not know how to get through all of my healthy problems and infertilty without God’s strength. Words just can’t express all that I am feeling right now (I told you that I was emotional!). So before I start crying, I will stop writing for now! God bless!
Its funny that even at the age of 25 I get so excited when I go to the mailbox and get a package! When you are an adult, the mailbox isn’t always fun so when you pull out something besides a bill, you get excited. Yesterday, my new Clearblue Fertility Monitor came in so I spent the evening trying to figure out how to work it. How knew a piece of equipment which required you to POAS (pee on a stick) every morning could be so complicated. But I have to say this new arrival did help me take the news of having to postpone IUI another month a little better. I’m still a little bummed but still very hopeful that maybe this will finally be OUR month. After talking to the doctor yesterday, we also decided to postpone pursuing a second diagnosis to explain my lingering symptoms. I have a feeling that when we finally get around to making a second diagnosis it will be fibromylgia but we will see! At least I can say the past couple days have been very good in the pain department. Outside of hormone-induced headaches, I have been relatively pain-free which is very exciting. I’m hoping this new fertility monitor will help us moving forward in tackling infertility and I’m hoping that July will be a lucky month!
Lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Life is so strange. Just when you thinking you’ve got things figured out, BAM, something else gets thrown into the mix. I guess its God’s way of making sure we’re paying attention. I was thrown the first major curveball almost four years ago when I was diagnosed with endometriosis. Before my first surgery, the only thing I knew about endo was that it caused infertility which really had me nervous. But to my surprise, endometriosis can cause all sorts of things like chronic pain, fatigue, and all-around craziness in addition to infertility. Since my original diagnosis, I have had two additional surgeries and have endured countless tests and treatments. So now here I am unable to get rid of the pain and unable to get pregnant (which everyone tells me will “cure” my disease). But I refuse to be bitter. God has chosen this path for my life and I strive to see the best in it. Through my battle with endometriosis and infertility, it has truly challenged me to become more solid in my faith and lean on Him for strength. I strive to have the faith of Hannah (see 1 Samuel 1:1-28). I have also been given the wonderful opportunity to volunteer with the ERC (Endometriosis Research Center) and be a part of a wonderful group of young women who strength and determination encourage me every day. My goal with this blog is for me to become more courageous in living life with faith by sharing my journey with endometriosis and infertility. I am so excited to see what God has in store for A New Kind of Normal! God Bless!!