Sometimes when you think you’ve got a handle on your grief, it comes out of nowhere and hits you like a ton of bricks.  This week has been pretty stressful at work so I was already emotionally fragile.  It just seems this week that I had a lot of people announce pregnancies.  And its not that I’m not happy for these women and their families but it just hit me hard today again that I will never be able to announce a BFP.  I will never get to say that I saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound the first time.  So I cried . . . a lot.  I am completely excited about adopting and am thrilled that we are making so much progress but I guess I still have some fears that something will come up and we won’t be able to adopt and we will never become parents.  I guess I still have some way to go before I am completely over facing our infertility.  So I called John to have him help me calm down.  I eventually gathered my composure and got back to work with my makeup surprisingly in tack 🙂  I am feeling better now but still a little drained so I’m chilling at home.  John had a prior engagement so I’m enjoying having a little down time.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a little brighter.

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