infertility

Bitterness

I haven’t posted in a week partly because I’ve been crazy busy with work and also because I feel like I have nothing really to say. I am afraid that infertility and illness has turned me into a bitter hag. I feel like I’ve lost that zest for life. Friends of ours just had a baby (who is adorable) and I remember saying to myself when they announced they were pg that I would be pregnant for sure by the time they delivered as we were just started IF treatments. What a bite in the ass. Not that I’m not extremely excited for them, I’m just extremely sad for me. I heard another story on the news this morning about an 18 year old mom who beat her 6month old daughter to death. She stepped on her, kicked her and slapped her! Who does that??? What makes it worse is that she did all of this in front of her other child!!! God why isn’t SHE infertile?? Please answer me that question! I just feel like I’m doomed to walk a path of misery as we don’t seem to be any closer to becoming parents nor can doctors find a way to take away my pain so I can function normally. I know that’s not true as I know that God has better plans for me (He promised me in Jeremiah) but I feel like I can’t see past all of the pain and doubt that surrounds me. On the outside I really try to look put together but on the inside I’m dying.

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