chronic illnessfaith

Friday Words of Faith – Grace in the Midst of Chaos

I continue to be amazed at the wonder and power of grace and how God chooses to bestow it upon us as His children.

I’ll be honest.  Ever since I got that call yesterday from the Doc’s office my mood has went down hill.  Initially after the call, I felt hopeful but that quickly faded.  This morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and I am sure I was an absolute terror to deal with at work.  I could not figure out why I was so ill.  I grumbled as I got into the car to drive to CPE.  I was definitely not in the mood to talk to anyone.

So I got into the car, rolled down the windows, and blared Skillet.  As I listened and sang the words, I felt my shell begin to crack.

We began with IPR (Interpersonal Relationships) where we discuss what is going on in our lives, what we’ve learned, etc.  One of my classmates shares a very personal and touching experience.  Another crack in the shell.

Then I get asked if I had gotten any of my test results back.  My shell becomes completely broken and I lose it.  I was not expecting this at all.  It was just a flood of emotions as I shared the results and the subsequent reactions, feelings, and worries.  I worry that this potential diagnosis is not it.  That there will always be something else.  I will never have control of my health.  I worry that I will never be enough for my family.  I am just so tired.  So tired.  All of this just spilled out.  I felt so broken.

But it was in that moment that I was picked back up.  My classmates surrounded me with support and grace. I had 21 total hours of on call time this weekend.  One asked our supervisor, “Is it possible to gift call time?”  He shook his head.  Within seconds, two classmates volunteered to cover my on call shifts and gift that time so that my hours would be complete for the unit.  I was so overwhelmed.  I did not know what to say.

In my head there was a battle waging.  The Enemy was whispering “They just feel sorry for you.”  “You are weak.”  “You are incapable of doing anything.”  But God’s grace is overpowering and He whispers, “You are loved.”  “You are perfect in Me.”  “Grace flows from Me and is more than enough for you.”

In the darkness and in the chaos, God continues to prevail and is always with us regardless of how alone we may feel.  It is in those moments that He provides reminders of His Power, His Love, and His Grace.

My favorite song of all time is “Whispers in the Dark” by Skillet and the words of the chorus say, “You will never be alone.  When darkness comes I’ll light the night with stars.”

Today those 7 people were the stars in the darkness that surrounded me.  In the midst of the chaos of my health nightmare, grace abounded and covered me.  How can I not love a God that is so in love with me and provides everything I could ever need?

My cup runneth over.

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