It has been an emotional start to the week. Hubs and I have basically spent the weekend working on the new house (since we move in under 3 weeks!) and boy am I paying for it. I was completely out of spoons by the time we got home last night from painting and by 4am I was in full-flare mode. I hurt from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. But Hubs was preaching this morning so I got Abs & I ready for church.
His sermon was amazing and was entitled “Embracing Your Story” (you can click here to listen and if you didn’t get a chance to hear me share last week about faith and infertility its still online – just click launch sermon player) I get pretty emotional anyways when I’m in flare-mode and I about lost it by the end. I think I do a pretty good job of embracing my story as it relates to chronic illness . . . 95% of the time. I wrestled a lot to come to this point and I’ve come to understand how illness has become a part of my life story and now a part of my mission and ministry. But there are times where its too much.
This morning was one of those times. I just wanted to spend the weekend working on our house. Its our first home and I just can’t wait to make it “ours.” I want to have a hand in it. I love doing that kind of work! But now I’m paying for it. I even had to skip out teaching Sunday school this morning because the pain was too great. So instead I’m in bed while Hubs and Abs are at the graduate pool party (and let me tell you Sunday morning television stinks). I guess I just miss my old “normal.” As I posted on Friday, my anxiety has played into this mix this morning as well.
So for today, I’m going to relax and work on embracing my story the best way I can. On days like today, I will just have to work a little harder to embrace the joy in spite of my pain. Despite my best efforts, I know that flares will always be a part of life. A part of my new normal.