The past 24 hours have been interesting

So after Wednesday being a pretty positive day over all it did not end so well. Right before bed I took all of my meds as usual, including my two new ones. Shortly thereafter things began to get fuzzy. John said that is when I started talking out of my head and had trouble walking. He said that I kept asking him why there were people in our house and why they kept putting things are our kitchen table. Its sounds pretty embarrassing now (especially knowing all of the other things that got said too!) but John naturally freaked and got me to the ER as fast as he could. They said that it was a side effect from one of the medications I was taking (which I later found out was enhanced by the combination of taking me meds at one time). So eventually the craziness passed and finally at little before midnight we got to come home.

So today I’ve been really tired and my body has been rebelling as usual. So as I sat home alone I had some time to think about everything. Sometimes I think one of the hardest aspects of living with an illness is the feelings of loneliness. Because honestly no one can truly understand unless they are in your shoes. I am sure there are plenty of people who talk behind my back saying that I’m crazy or a drama queen or who knows what else. But I know that my pain is real and feeling that no one understands can be extremely isolating. I mean I’ve even asked myself if I was crazy or making this up but I honestly think if I was wanting attention I would find a much better way to do it! I talked to my mom for a while tonight too and told her about the whole ER thing and then we started talking about our Black Friday shopping trip. I told her that I hope my energy is up by then or I might have to wheelchair it. And then she told me that I just needed to “buck up” and get past feeling bad. Of course I quit talking and I think she realized what she said and then said, “well I guess no one really knows what it feels like if they aren’t the one with the disease.” And I just wanted to say, “Finally! You understand!”

I don’t even understand my body sometimes. I have yet to learn the limits of what I can and can’t do. I miss being able to pick and choose what I wanted to do but now I don’t have that luxury. Take Black Friday for example, I would love to be out there with the crazies just/ for the thrill of it but I’m not sure I’ll be able to. While blogging is a great way for me to vent my feelings, I am really looking forward to seeing this new counselor on Monday. Maybe then my blogs will get more positive (LOL).

To end with something positive, I got my referral today for my new rheumotologist! YAY!!! Hope is just around the bend!!!!!

I love hearing from you!