Hair Dying Anonymous.
For whatever reasons, I am addicted to dying my hair. I have covered every spectrum of “natural” hair color including red, blonde, brown, and black and had I been in a career field that would have permitted it, I am sure that there would be some “unnatural” hair colors in there too (for example, I have a secret longing for purple hair). After an unsuccessful attempt at home this weekend to achieve a nice deep brown, I got to thinking…why do I like changing my hair color so much? What is it that makes me have an almost obsessive-compulsion to wind up on the hair aisle at peruse all of the many color options? Or call up my stylist? Yes, I dye over professional color just as quickly as color in a box. Sad I know.
So after some thinking, I came up with a short list:
- I get bored easy. Simple enough. I worry about getting bored with my blog design too after shelling out the cash. I don’t like spending too much on bedding because sooner rather than later I’m going to get bored and want to change it. Same goes for purses.
- Its a fun way to experiment. I would like to think of myself as unique and hair color is a safe (and non-permanent) way to express myself. I love my tattoos and would probably have a lot more but again my career field at this time isn’t necessarily welcoming.
- This is where it probably hits the deepest – it is something I can control. Ok….95% of the time I can control. I have had some really crazy outcomes when experimenting with color. Once I tried to dye my whole head blonde (my hair was pixie length) but was in a hurry so I didn’t leave it on long enough and I looked like a copper top battery. Seriously. My hair was as copper as a penny. Not a good look. So if I even attempt to go blonde again, I definitely will leave that up to a professional. But back to my need for control. In living with chronic illness, I now have very few things I feel like I can control. I have control over the choices I make in responding to my illness such as choosing to have a positive attitude and choosing to allow God to be glorified through it all. Yet I don’t have control over when a flare decides to rear its ugly head or when extreme exhaustion hits and I have to take a day to spend in bed away from my husband and daughter. I have no control of whether or not my disease (endo in particular) will get worse and do more damage to my body and cause me to have another surgery. And when you are an almost-Type A personality and perfectionist like me, you like to have to control. Ok, you not only like to have control but you NEED to have control. At least in some sense. So I think that is where my “addiction” lies. It is a part of my life that I can control and say when and how I’m gong to change it. If I want to be a brunette this week but a blonde next week I can. (I promise I don’t cycle through colors that quickly).
I think somewhere in each of us we feel that need for control. I think its a part of being human. And I think we all have our areas where we feel safe and in control. What are yours?