chronic illness

Had pre-surgery appointment this morning

And now I am officially freaked about the reality of having a total hysterectomy. We discussed the procedure itself and the risks involved. We talked about the length of hospital stay (which thank goodness is alot shorter than I read online–2 nights for abdominal hyst versus the 5 nights I read online). We talked about the drugs (the good part…ha!) And then we talked about what it would be like waking up in menopause (the really scary part!) I told her that my research said that I would be incredibly emotional and cry for no reason and she said that yes, its probably true. So we discussed different HRT (hormone replacement therapy) regimens and that it would probably take around a month to get everything evened out (poor DH!) The reality of losing my entire reproductive system is huge! I mean I’m ready to be pain free and living without AF doesn’t sound to shabby but its the finality of it all that gets me. I am over the moon to be beginning the adoption process and I’m mostly over dealing with the whole never getting pregnant thing but its still tough to think about. All of these women at church keep telling me how glad I’ll be when its over and done but I just want to shake them sometimes and say, “Look you are in your late 40s so of course you were happy about it! I am 26 years old! This shouldn’t be happening yet!” But of course I just smile and say thanks. The part I hate is the now I’ve got 25 days to mull over all my worries and probably make myself crazy. But on the positive side, I’ve got next week in Florida to relax and hopefully get my mind of it!


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