Today kicks off week 1 of the Blogging for Endometriosis Awareness campaign! This week’s post topic is how endometriosis has affected you physically. Linkup will be live throughout the rest of the month so you can link up anytime! Before to check out posts from fellow endosisters who have linked up and share posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ to help spread awareness & use the tag #bloggingforendo! Don’t forget to share the word about our Blogging for Endometriosis fundraising campaign!
My journey with endometriosis started over ten years ago. Its hard to believe because it feels like it was just yesterday in some ways and it feels like it has been an eternity. Endometriosis has changed so many things about my life. I have lost so much time enduring countless surgeries and treatments, lost the ability to do some of the things I loved, lost my fertility, and lost my ability to lead the life of a “normal” 32 year old. Instead I am in the midst of filing disability.
Over the last six years of blogging, I have shared many posts about how endometriosis has affected my life physically. I have shared about the long term effects endo can have on your body and how exhausting dealing with pain on a daily basis can be. Probably one of the most popular posts I have ever written was sharing about the unspoken side effects of endometriosis over at the Fight Like A Girl Club.
One of the things I struggle with the most these days is overcoming self-consciousness and feeling insecure with the way I look. It goes deeper than worrying about exposing my scars. I feel like nothing in my body is the same anymore.
Going into menopause at the age of 26 and taking numerous hormonal treatments, my body shape has completely changed. Treatments make my weight flucuate. I carry weight in different areas than before. Between being bloated and endo/adhesion pain, it can make wearing certain types of clothes difficult. I wish overalls would come back in style so I wouldn’t have to worry about where waistbands hit in relation to my scars. Is that pathetic?
I feel like nothing is my body is working the way its supposed to. The hysterectomy was supposed to end my struggle with endometriosis and it hasn’t. My upper GI is completely paralyzed and my lower GI isn’t far behind. I feel like I’m in the cycle of taking medications to deal with side effects of the medications I need to function. There are days that the most minimal tasks can suck everything out of me. I feel like I am an 80 year old trapped in the body of a 32 year old woman.
All of these things make me feel so self conscious about my body. The way it looks. The way it functions. There are times it feels like its not even mine anymore. Maybe thats the reason why I have gotten into playing with make up recently. Makeup is fun to wear not matter what size you are. Maybe thats the reason why I have been loving having purple hair. I am trying to regain a piece of the confidence I seemed to have lost throughout the years. I am constantly reminding myself that I am wonderfully made by my Creator and that is what makes me beautiful.
I am work in progress.