Chosing hope in spite of chronic illness
Sometimes it is the littlest things that make your day, such as…
The little voice in the back seat asking you to turn down the radio so that you can sing Jesus Loves Me with her…
The little fingerprints left behind by little hands eager to help…
The little kiss shared when she hears that Mommy is sick…
The gentle squeeze from your husband letting you know he will be there no matter what.
These little things mean the most.
This has been a hard week for me in terms of dealing with my infertility struggles. Usually I can keep a pretty good grip on my emotions when friends or family announce their pregnancies as I really am happy for them. I wouldn’t wish infertility on anyone so I am happy to see them excited about their new addition on the way.
Yet in the midst of the excitement for them, I feel an all to familiar pain in my heart as for a moment my mind flashes back to the negative pregnancy tests, fertility procedures, and finally sobbing in my doctor’s office as we discuss a hysterectomy. For a moment, I acknowledge that loss and allow myself to grieve. I allow the tears to flow and lift a prayer up to God asking for peace and comfort.
It is then that my thoughts turn to my beautiful daughter that I am so incredibly blessed to be called her mommy. It is then that I remember the day we got the phone call and my husband walked into my office with pink roses and announced we had a daughter. It is then I remember how it feels when she hugs me around the neck and says, “I love you Mommy!”
It is then that I realize it was worth it all.
This assignment was SO easy to create! My beautiful and amazing daughter Abby has spent the last 9 days in Virginia getting spoiled by her Nana and Poppy and playing with her cousin Dorothy Anne. I know the trip has been good for all parties involved. My parents get to spend some one-on-one time with Abby and since they live 5 hours away they only get to see her every 2-3 months. Abby also gets the chance to become a little more independent and has time to bond with her cousin (who is 10 months younger than her). I grew up close to a lot of my cousins so I would love for Abby to have that same opportunity. It has been good for my husband and I as well as we have had some downtime just the two of us and we were able to have conversations that didn’t include diapers or SpongeBob.
Thankfully today is the day she comes home! I honestly may kiss her cheeks completely off! I miss her smile and the sound of her laugh. I even miss hearing “Mama, what are you doing?” 4872 times a day and getting kicked in the wee hours of the morning when she has made her way into our bed. I miss this face so much:
It is through this beautiful miracle that I have learned so much about God’s love. She has taught me what unconditional love is. Through her God has taken something ugly and broken and made it beautiful and abundant. Words cannot describe just how thankful I am for being allowed the chance to parent such an amazing little girl!
What is making you smile today?
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