A Somber Road Trip

2012

This is my first-ever blog post from the car! Don’t worry, I’m not driving

We are on the road north to Virginia to be with my family. My grandma is still in the hospital after her stroke on Monday. The doctors have done everything they could medically. She cannot speak but does respond and recognize her family. She has lost strength on her right side but her left side is strong. Doctors have said that her recovery will be a marathon not a
sprint. The part we worry about is the blockage that caused her first stroke will likely cause a second one. It could be next week or next year. We just don’t know and that part is hard. My grandpa is having a really hard time. They have been married 55 years and he has cried to the doctors and nurses to take care of her as she was his angel and his baby.

If you have a spare moment this weekend, my family could definitely use some prayer for my family both healthwise and for safe travels as we are going to spend some time with grandma.

Filed Under: Faith, health Tagged With: family, stroke

Regrouping

2012

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It would be an understatement to say that this week got off to a very rough start. Pain levels have been pretty high. Work was stressful. And to make my Monday even better (insert sarcasm) I got a call from my parents that my grandmother has had a stroke. By the time bedtime came I was physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. Yesterday was a fail on multiple levels so I’m working very hard to get regrouped today and put myself in a positive place.

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I was making the conscious decision to fight and not let chronic illness have the best of me. This desire to fight has become even stronger when thinking about my Grandma this week. She is such a strong woman of faith and is truly a fighter. While she may not have the physical strength she used to, she makes up for it in her faith and determination. I would like to think those traits have been passed down the gene pool and I have decided that if she can be a fighter, then so can I!

In addition of choosing to fight, I want to regroup how I view myself. I need to make better use of my time. This blog is very important to me and you readers mean more to me than you ever know. I want to focus on taking time to write quality posts. I’ve bookmarked so many helpful posts and I need to make the time to read them and implement them.

The other way I want to regroup how I view myself is in my appearance. Its so funny that when I dropped off doing the What I Wore Wednesday posts, I quit caring how I looked. I went back to frumpy and comfortable. I think taking that time putting outfits together really helped how I felt about my body. Especially since I’ve gained weight back, I really need that extra push to actually appreciate my body versus beating myself up when I looked in the mirror. I restarted Weight Watchers today and it is really something I need to do for myself.

I also need to regroup family time. I understand that (at least for now) I am going to hurt and there may be times that I absolutely will have to go to bed but I need to think of a way to spend more time with my family. Even if it means crashing on the couch so I can watch Abby play. I am so lucky to have the most wonderful husband in the world and I need to be more conscious of our time together and while we may not be able to add to the quantity of time, we can most definitely work on the quality of time we have together.

Just like my tagline states, I’m going regroup so that I may see the abundance of life that God has granted me.

via Spiritual Inspiration

Filed Under: blogging, chronic illness, Faith, health

Choosing To Fight

2012

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If you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed that I had a not-so-hot doctor’s appointment yesterday morning. This past weekend was the worst flare I’ve had to date. I was in bed pretty much from 5pm Friday until 7am Monday. Nothing, I mean nothing, seemed to be helping the pain. Even my prescription medicines were not touching it so on Monday I started calling doctors. The pain clinic was my first call and since prescriptions cannot be changed over the phone, the nurse set up an appointment for 8:15am yesterday. I also called my rheumatologist who tweaked my dosages of my medications for fibromyalgia (we had discussed the possibility of needing to up the dosage at my last appointment so we both felt comfortable with phoning in the change versus needing to drive an hour for an appointment). I see my primary doctor next week so I knew there wasn’t a point in calling because there was no way I would be able to be seen before my scheduled appointment.

The visit to the pain clinic was supposed to be a short one which turned out to be not the case. Thirty minutes after my scheduled appointment time, the doctor finally came in and being as I was the only patient there I was already frustrated. The gist of his response to my pain-filled weekend was to be thankful that the flare didn’t last any longer than it did. I just need to come to terms with major flares being a part of my life and be ok with not having medications to treat the pain. He did not want to increase my dosage (although we had discussed the possibility at my last appointment) however he agreed to give me a extended release pain medication to help prevent pain from waking me up in the middle of the night. The catch (there always has to be a catch, right?) is that for now he wants to go back to seeing me every 30 days versus 90 for drug tests and pill counts. On the way out the door, he let me know that I was overweight.

Needless to say, I left the appointment angry, frustrated, and defeated. I was angry that it seemed that he had no concern for my quality of life as a patient. I was frustrated that, even though it was never said, he seemed to be thinking that I was exaggerating my pain in hopes to get more medication. I was defeated as it was if the prescription he handed me said really said “give up hope for ever having a normal life.” The twenty minute drive to work seemed to last an hour as I attempted to process everything that had just happened. When I pulled into my parking space, things changed.

As I took the keys out of the ignition, I looked down and saw the word “fighter.” It served as a powerful reminder and I made the conscious decision to not go down without a fight. I am not going to accept that my life is over and any hope of relief is gone. I am not going to allow one jerk-faced doctor take my dreams from me.

I can and I will fight. I will fight knowing that my God is bigger than my pain and He will provide strength to press on. I will fight knowing I have an amazing family loving me through it. I will fight knowing that I have strong and inspiring women who are traveling the same road fighting alongside of me.

Filed Under: chronic illness, health Tagged With: endometrioisis, fibromyalgia, IC, pain, self-esteem