Day 29: Sing Praise

2012

Day29: Something you could not ever get tired of doing

I love to sing. Location does not matter. I sing at home. I sing at work (its a good thing I have an office to myself). I sing in the car. If you would ever pass me driving, I’d be the goofball singing and car dancing. Some of my most powerful worship experiences have occurred while driving. One more than one occasion I’ve had to pull over.

The one thing I can never grow tired of is singing praise to God. Even when its hard. Its in the times of darkness and frustration that my choice means the most. I can choose to turn away or I can choose to give Him honor despite my circumstances. I may not understand my circumstances and may not be able to provide an answer of why this has happened to me but I can trust in Him and His character and for me, that is worth singing for!

Filed Under: blogging, Faith, just for fun Tagged With: 30 Day Blog Challenge

Day 26: 5 Years

2012

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Day 26: Think back to how you were 5 years ago. How have you changed since then?

When I think back to January 2007, I can definitely see a lot of changes that have occurred over the last five years.

Five years ago, I was planning my third surgery at the Center for Endometriosis care in Atlanta where I could be seen by one of the top endo specialists in the country. We had already had several unsuccessful rounds on fertility drugs (Clomid and Femera) but we still had that hope that we weren’t out of the game yet. The statistics were in our favor. After the recovery from surgery, we were going to step up our treatments to IUIs. Five years ago, I am pretty sure The Girldfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy was still on my nightstand so that I could be ready when the good news came.

Five years ago, I also think I was a lot more optimistic that the pain I was in was only temporary. I had already been diagnosed with fibromyalgia in addition to the endometriosis but there were still many options to try out at that point so with that coupled with the hope of relief promised by the upcoming surgery, I counted down the days until I would be pain-free and hopefully pregnant.

I will admit that I am probably a little harder now than I was then. I wouldn’t say that I am a pessimist as I do believe there is always hope, but I think I would consider myself more of a realist. Maybe caring less about what the statistics say and caring more about being heard by my physicians when I tell them that I am not better. Maybe caring less about dishes in the sink and the house not being perfect and caring more about the precious moments with my family. Maybe caring less about having all the answers and caring more about the hope that I can only find in Him and learning to walk by faith.

So have I changed in the last five years? Absolutely. Have I changed for the better? I think in some ways, yes. The last five years have most definitely been a challenge but I think that how we respond to the challenges molds and shapes us into the people that are we meant to be.

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Filed Under: blogging, chronic illness, Faith, health, marriage

Day 20: Behind the Name

2012

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Day 20: The meaning behind your blog name

When I first started blogging in 2007, I had no idea what on earth I was doing. Shocking, I know. I had just had my third surgery for endometriosis and we were preparing ourselves to dive into heftier fertility treatments and I just needed a place where I could let things out. The prospects of hope. The fears. The frustrations. I need a place – MY place – where I could feel safe to do so. I became an active member on an infertility board and several of my online buddies were talking about writing on their blog so I decided I would give it a shot.

I went through a couple different names before deciding on A New Kind of Normal. I chose the name because I remember a speaker at a Women of Faith conference sharing her story and one of the things that impacted me the most was her statement that sometimes things happen in our lives – things we cannot often control – and things cannot go back to the way things were but instead we must set out to find a new kind of normal for our lives.

With that statement, something inside me changed. Not that I don’t ever long for the days when I was healthy and things were simpler, but it was a reminder that while my mind may visit those times, it cannot live there. I must be present in my life right now to be able who I want to become in the future.

In learning to discover and embrace this new kind of normal for my life, I had to accept a couple things. First, I had to realize that things will not always go as I have planned. I am most definitely a planner (which I’ve learned was a trait I inherited from my dad) and I may describe myself as “Almost Type-A.” I love lists and feel the most accomplished when I am able to cross things off. As I have faced chronic illness, I have had to learn things may not go as planned and that my value and worth is not based on a list. If I cannot finish everything that is on my list or even if I have to set the list aside completely due to a flare, that is ok. I am ok.

This concept ties into the second important thing I have had to learn is that its ok to say no. Growing up and throughout college, I totally struggled with being a people-pleaser and finding my significance in earning the approval of others. I wanted to succeed for my parents or my professor and by receiving their approval and praise, then I could be ok with who I was. It definitely took some time to move beyond and learn that it is ok to say no. It is ok to not get that A. It is ok to at times make my health a priority. I still struggle but I’ve learned to accept that it is now a part of my life and my new normal has to allow myself some flexibility.

So in this four years I have been writing this blog, I have learned to embrace the changes that have occurred in my life and most importantly know that my “normal” will never stay the same as it is constantly involving with the ebb and flow flow of life. Hopefully A New Kind of Normal will be around for many more years to come.

PS – the book The Search for Significance by Robert McGee is a great resource if you or someone you know struggles with basing their self-worth on accomplishments or approval of others.

Filed Under: blogging, chronic illness, Faith Tagged With: 30 Day Blog Challenge