I am a little late getting my act together on what my hopes and dreams are for 2016. I was able to travel for Christmas which was a huge, huge blessing but ever since it has been one major crash after another. As some of you may know, last year I had to have my gallbladder removed (which was a soap opera in and of itself) and the surgeon who performed the procedure noticed that I was full of adhesions but chose to not take them down for some reason beyond my understanding (and several other doctors I have spoken with). Instead he predicted that I would have a major obstruction within a year. Two at most. That surgery was in July and I had an obstruction in November. Thankfully, I know exactly what it means to throw up “coffee grounds” so we were able to catch it early and we were able to avoid surgery with time in the hospital on NPO.
Unfortunately the problems have only continued to get worse. After the gallbladder fiasco, I am done dealing with the local surgeons and my gastroenterologist referred me to surgeon that he hand picked so we can get another opinion of what is really going on and have some sort of plan of action. My endo doctor is also on board with getting another option as with adhesions being the primary issue, she would rather have a skilled general surgeon take the helm but would like a gyn to be on hand to check for endometriosis while they are in there if surgery were to happen. I will also be doing the Clomid challenge soon to check FSH levels for the possible of ORS or endo.
I had my appointment last Monday at CMC for my first consult with the new surgeon. She was really nice, very thorough, and while she was very frank when we spoke (no sugar coating here), she had a great bedside manner. That quality is extremely important to me in learning to trust a doctor. I know things aren’t always going to be puppies and rainbows but delivery is key. Anyone else with me on this?
I appreciated this quality in her even more when she told me that she would be calling a hospital board meeting before making any decisions on what to do next. She would be calling together other surgeons, radiologists, gastroenterologists (including my own), and anesthesiologists to discuss my case and formulate a game plan (you know you are a spoonie when . . . ). The first step will most likely be some type of advanced imaging to get a better idea of what is going on in there. Surgery may be on the table at some point but we are currently between a rock and a hard place. Because of all of my prior surgeries and adhesions, the likelihood of being able to do anything laparoscopically would be next to none and there are obvious risks of doing any kind of full incision (especially when the focus would be in a small area overall). The initial surgical incision if done blindly (or even with scans) can be dangerous or even fatal depending on where things are adhered.
So now we are faced with two options: 1) do we go ahead and do the scans to have them for reference and then wait until I obstruct to go in to fix everything and I just have to suffer with the pain now; or 2) do we take the chance to move ahead with surgery to take down adhesions and hopefully help the pain while risking injury and knowing adhesions could return?
It is definitely a hard question that has been weighing on my mind. The board meeting will be in a couple weeks so hopefully we’ll have some sort of plan put together.
All of this rambling and updating does have a purpose and does tie into the title of this post. Obviously everything that has been going on has made me incredibly anxious and filling my mind with so many doubts and questions. At times I have just felt like my head was spinning but I am ready to get back up, put on my gloves, and start fighting.
So I chose my word for 2016: Furious.
Most of the time when people think about the word furious, they think of anger but that is not all of it. The other definition is “full of intensity, energetic, or fierce.” I don’t want to live 2016 full of anger. I want to live 2016 full of intensity.
I want to live furiously.
I want to love furiously.
I want to work furiously to make a difference in the lives of others.
One song that has trying been a life changing song for me over the past few months is called “Furious Love” by Veridia. It immediately touched me to my core. It reminded me that we can try our butt off trying to please others by being something that we are not but God made each and every one of us perfect just the way we are. He loves us so much, so intensely, and so furiously that He sent us a Savior, a Hero.
In order to live the life of intensity that I want for myself this year, I need to set goals for myself. I always try to think of my health in a holistic sense so I want to set a goal to cover each area of my life including the physical, mental/emotional, spiritual, something that is just fun and something to get out of your comfort zone.
Here are my goals:
1- In order to help my body have more energy in 2016, I will strive exercise four days a week (with a minimum of a 10 minute walk). I would also like to look fierce in my bathing suit at Disney in September
2- In order to better focus my mind and emotions so that I can focus on enjoying the positive ones more fully in 2016, I will strive to find alternative ways to confront my anxiety, such as through writing, art, or possibly equine therapy.
3- In order to ignite a deeper and more furious love for Christ in 2016, I will strive to read at least one spiritual/discipleship book a month and start keeping a prayer journal again. Some of the books on my reading list are Dear Woman by Chavos Buycks, God is Able by Priscilla Shrirer, and Chronic Resilience by Danea Horn.
4- In order to have some furious fun 2016, I will strive to expand my makeup skills by taking at least one in person makeup lesson/course and at least 2 online courses. I know there are places in the Charlotte area that offer classes (meet up anyone? LOL) and there are also websites where you can receive one-on-one instruction from a makeup artist or stylist via webcam. This goal has me really excited!
5- In order to have a life full of intensity and challenge myself to spread my wings in 2016, I will strive to write an ebook this year! It is something that I have always wanted to do but the thought honestly scares the crap out of me which is even more of a reason why I should strive to achieve it this year! Would anyone even want to read a book that I’ve written?! Ack! My stomach has butterflies just typing this! Can I do this?
I will be sharing more about my blogging goals for the year tomorrow but these are the five big ones I will focus on to make me a healthier person as a whole in 2016. I am so super excited and can’t wait to get started!
Did you select a word for 2016? What are some of your goals or hopes for the year?
P.S. Back in the day, A New Kind of Normal had a feature called “Sharing Our Spoons” where each of us would set goals for ourself and have monthly check ins on how we were doing to help support and encourage one another. It was also set up in a way to encourage us to take care of ourselves as a whole, not just the physical aspects of our health. I would love to do that again if anyone is interested! You don’t have to follow the same holistic model if you don’t want to but if you just have a couple goals for the year that you would like to receive some support and encouragement, that would work as well too! Just leave me a comment or shoot me an email!
P.S.S. If you would also like to live furiously in 2016 and would like a visual reminder for your blog, grab the banner in the sidebar!