My heart hurts

I never knew how much a phone call saying “We have a baby for you” could change your life in an instant and later hear “We are sorry but she has changed her mind” can bring it all crashing down.  Basically within 12 hours we were told to be on the road this morning to pick up our baby and also that the mother had changed her mind and decided to parent.  If you want to read the wholes story you can read it here on our adoption blogpage.  While I completely and whole heartedly know that God is in control and He still has a plan for John & I to become parents, I still feel a sense of loss and emptiness.  12 hours ago I was going to be a mommy today and now I’m not.  I am so thankful to have my faith to stand on or else I don’t know how else I would cope.  I feel in a sense that I am experiencing a miscarriage, just without the physical signs.  So John & I plan to take the day to be together to make sense of all this and move forward.  I am thinking that today would be a good Olive Garden day.

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