adoptionchronic illnessweight loss

Can I just be honest?

I’ve got a doctor’s appointment (a follow-up) and I’m nervous.  A couple weeks ago I went in to see the NP regarding my anxiety issues so this is just a follow-up with my primary doctor to check in and see how things are going.  I just feel like at any moment the other shoe is going to drop and I’m going to get even more bad news.  I’m dropping weight pretty quickly the last couple of weeks (and I’m complaining why?? My new skinnier-me pants I just bought are already loose!  I’m not sharing the number on the scale to keep you in suspense for Wednesday’s weigh-in!) but I know that I haven’t stuck to my diet serious enough to be seeing this kind of loss (which I guess I will bring up with my other doctor next week when I go in).  My mom just had some blood tests come back showing that her Crestor was doing some muscle damage and I am on over double the dosage that she is and have been taking it 4 times as long and have never been checked so I’m scared to ask for the blood work.  I haven’t slept the past two nights so I’m a walking zombie.  Last night I kept having adoption-related nightmares and kept waking up in cold sweats which led to waking up in pain when my alarm went off.  But does anyone else ever walk around with this fear of the worst being around the corner?  Obviously it wouldn’t fall into the typical “normal” category and I understand that but chronic illness-wise, am I alone in this?

Also – it’s time to change my hair color and I’m out of fresh ideas – what should I do?  Something perky 🙂

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One comment on “Can I just be honest?

  1. Mamie says:

    Not alone, I feel that way ALL the time. With all you’ve been through in such a short time it’s totally normal. I feel like at any time I could get sick and be back in the hospital. Or that some new disease will pop up. I HATE getting blood work done because i’m worried that my blood counts will be off and i’ll be back in for more tests.

    Oh, and the weight loss thing, people tell me all the time they wish they had a disease that made them loose weight. Like that’s supposed to make me feel better.

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